Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
