Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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