I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
