don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
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