so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
