Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I seem to have left my pride at pride
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
