just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
