i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
