girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
