idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
