I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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