toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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