3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
