they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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