Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
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