Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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