So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
