Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
