Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
