Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize