i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
