Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
True college students do jello shots in the library
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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