You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
