we made out on top of his cat.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Randomize
