Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Randomize
