the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
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