Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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