your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
