Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
