there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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