I think I won the penis lottery.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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