I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
