ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
