He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
