Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BRING THE BAGELS
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize