well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
