I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
