someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
