UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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