New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
