I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
