today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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