My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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