i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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