I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
