No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
