i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
