twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
