i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
