Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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