Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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