It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
