Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
