im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Randomize
