11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Randomize
