forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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