I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize