nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
