please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
