i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
