oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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