Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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