He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
