we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize