Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Randomize
