he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
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