I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
