New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
