I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
